It's the 29th of June 2017 and England has returned to NOVEMBER ! I am freezing and my front garden is flooded ! My lawn seed which I sowed four days ago is lying dormant ! I am once again wearing thermally insulated winter trousers and about to venture out to take a seven year old to school in the pouring rain !
I forgot to turn the hot water back on three days ago after it was turned off for running over its time limit and so I shall shortly be shaving in cold water !
Thursday 29 June 2017
Friday 23 June 2017
SALLY...PART 181. I NEARLY GOT FLASHED BY A SPEED CAMERA AND NEVER HEARD THE END OF IT !
I DIDN'T get flashed because I stamped on the brakes and in a trice brought my speed down from an irresponsible 73 to 70 when I inadvertently had my eye on an idiot racing down a slip road determined to get ahead of me !
Plus my wife was getting the last few bits of dust in the bottom of a mixed nut packet shaken loose and ready to pour directly into my mouth !
This well practiced feeding method involves my staring up at the roof for about thirty seconds and enduring the contents of whatever I'm being fed going down my shirt collar and into my eyes and up my nose !
I try to keep my eyes on the road but with my head tipped so far back it's simply impossible !
Had we not been approaching Hexham from the west at the time, had Shirley NOT been determined to get the final, final, final bits out and down my throat....had she or for that matter I thought for a moment about what we were approaching....I wouldn't now be facing the dreaded drop of an envelope onto the carpet with a fine and three points in it !
We 'discussed' the matter for the next thirty miles during which, being a man, I accepted full responsibility and apologised many many times during her beratement !
Plus my wife was getting the last few bits of dust in the bottom of a mixed nut packet shaken loose and ready to pour directly into my mouth !
This well practiced feeding method involves my staring up at the roof for about thirty seconds and enduring the contents of whatever I'm being fed going down my shirt collar and into my eyes and up my nose !
I try to keep my eyes on the road but with my head tipped so far back it's simply impossible !
Had we not been approaching Hexham from the west at the time, had Shirley NOT been determined to get the final, final, final bits out and down my throat....had she or for that matter I thought for a moment about what we were approaching....I wouldn't now be facing the dreaded drop of an envelope onto the carpet with a fine and three points in it !
We 'discussed' the matter for the next thirty miles during which, being a man, I accepted full responsibility and apologised many many times during her beratement !
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